Reason #1: The Office Microwave

microwave.jpg

Reason #1: The Office Microwave

Why We're Becoming Digital Nomads

A series of reasons why Jess and I are leaving Hillsboro, Oregon and becoming Digital Nomads.

The office microwave is a disaster.

No, it isn't what you're picturing: It isn't red sauce and food bits splattered all around the inside, congealed whatever-that-is making you want to gag. No, as far as sight is concerned, it seems to be clean.

The reason it's the devil is the smell.

It doesn't emit an odor all the time. Only when one of the bosses warms up their leftovers. Maybe it's because I'm not having it for lunch too or everything they bring turns unappetizing to me after 30 seconds of nuking, but the stench is gross beyond measure. Here I am, coming to warm up my third cup of coffee, unassuming, when BAM! I'm assaulted by the ghostly air of Italian food and day-old pizza.

I just wanted to make my covfefe warm again, not have my nose be molested by your lunch.

And another thing: It has an aura. I'm not freaking kidding. The damn microwave has an ugly past.

Jess confirmed this; her energy lady went down this rabbit hole of despair and negativity, eventually settling on our office, our kitchen, our Demon Microwave. This is from the previous receptionist; if she received an online newsletter titled "The Dismal Daily," you know she's going to leave bad vibes wherever she goes. That apparently includes our office's kitchen appliances.

So that is why we are leaving the country: Because our office microwave is slowly - but surely - killing us.